2018: the year of growth

December 31, 2018

last day of the year!  whoaaaaa!!!!  i'm feeling ready for what's to come.  i'm feeling happy for what happened.  for the lessons i learned.  the soul searching that i did.  i'm seeing this as a collective all across all of my social platforms.  2018 was the year of growth.  2017 was one of the worst years of my life and 2018 was the result of that.  i had two choices, stay on the same path and just revel in my misery or do something.  i chose to do something.

i went to therapy.  well, i started therapy in 2017.  but this year it changed me.  this is something that i'll talk about more when i feel ready.  and when i say ready, i mean when i can formulate my thoughts about it.  i hid it because of fear of what people thought.  wait, she doesn't have it together?  i feared that.  but now i embrace it.  because you know what?  i know you don't have it together either.  we're all learning this thing called life together.  and i learned so much that i would love to just share with the world!  this is a beautiful life and if we're not living it, what are we really doing?

i did some soul searching.  some wait, ralizabeth.  you're wrong and you need to admit that.  admitting our faults is not something i was taught growing up.  actually, people in my life believe i'm being brainwashed by my husband because i have the ability to speak out my faults and want to correct them.  isn't that a crazy notion?  it would be easier to believe that me becoming my best self is the result of someone's control over me rather than me actually being my best self.  things like that used to make me extremely uncomfortable.  anxiety producing.   but now, i just revel in my happiness.  i am me.  i am free to be me.  and none of what anyone thinks is any of my business!

i worked with some amazing brands.  this year i partnered with some really amazing brands, most of which i already used and others that i never used but wanted to try out and ended up loving.  and guess what?  i actually made some real, tangible coin doing it.  not just free product.  i'm talking cash, people.  what is this life i'm living?!  let me tell you, when you put effort into things, greatness can happen.  it is absolutely amazing.  

i met some amazing people.  i read a tweet from kanye earlier this year "follow your heart and find your tribe.  Your tribe are the people with similar passions".  that really stuck with me for that latter part of the year.  while i love the people in my life for different reasons, no one in my life did what i did.  understood what i wanted.  motivated me to go after what i wanted.  and so i found my tribe.  i found people to support me.  and people to applaud me.  having a sense of community makes all the difference.  find your people.

i put my husband first.  the most important thing in my life right now is my marriage.  the most important person in my life right now is my husband.  blood family will always be my blood family.  but my husband can leave me.  i can leave him.  being together is our choice.  and daily we have to make the choice to show up for each other.  junior is my person.  my absolute favorite person.  this year i fell in love with him.  i always loved him.  but it's so different now.  his happiness is my happiness and i have a hand in his happiness.  as does he in mine.  and let me not confuse you, because we determine our own happiness!  but we add to each other's happiness.  and that's the life i've always dreamt of having.  we're a team.  we're finally a team!

this year was hard.  but it was amazing.  i finally know who i am and i love her.  
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