(as a reintroduction, since i basically abandoned this space, i felt it only fitting to post this birthday note that i've had typed up since august, when i actually turned 30.  i toyed with the idea of creating a new blog altogether since i feel like i am a new version of myself, but since i have a hard time making decisions, months have passed and i just haven't been blogging.  until i figure out what i want to do, i'll just keep sharing on this space.  maybe i'll never create a new blog and just morph this space into what i want it to be.  we'll see.  in the meantime, i got rid of the old name, oh she's lovely and am just "ralizabeth" now.  thanks for sticking by me and growing with me).  

hi!  i'm 30!

i am so thrilled and excited for this milestone.  some people dread getting older and i'm over here like yassssss bitch!  i'm 30 and i've never looked or felt better!  i wear my age as a badge of honor.

each year on my birthday, i've tried to do some self reflection of the past year and write my thoughts in a blog post.  you can see last year's post here, and also 28 here, and 27 here.  i don't have a blog post for year 26 and years 25, 24 and 23 are on an old disabled blog that only i can see ;)  looking back at each year's post is so telling of my growth and who i was as i turned a new age.  i contemplated whether or not i was going to write a post this year and decided yes!  you'll want to read this next year and the year after that and the year after that! 

so here i am, trying to put into words what i'm feeling.  it feels impossible to do that.  to put into words how i feel.  all that comes to mind is i feel different.  i am different.  i've changed and i couldn't be more proud of the woman that i am and who i'm becoming.

this past year, for the first time in my life, i sat with my feelings, my thoughts, my wants and my desires.  i took time to reflect on how i was living my life and what i wanted to change.  sounds insane, but i had never done this before.  i welcomed my anxiety because for the first time in my life i realized when i'm anxious, my body is actually telling me something.  in the past i would ignore those feelings and power through it, chalking it up to me being irrational.  for the first time ever, i asked myself why and i sat with those feelings instead of trying to bury them.

i had many uncomfortable conversations and uncomfortable moments with myself.  after a while, i began to crave those uncomfortable moments.  i wanted to keep growing and keep learning about myself.  i still want to keep growing and keep learning about myself.  for the first time in my life, i feel at peace with who i am, and i love it.


happy fuckin birthday to me!

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