5 years.

November 06, 2018

today is junior and my fifth year wedding anniversary.  we are no longer newlyweds!  and it sure does feel that way.  old, married couple over here!  ;)  five years feels like such a long time, at least for me, for now.  (i can't imagine how i'll feel after 10 years, or even 20 years!)

we've have so many ups and even more downs in these past five years of marriage.  it's been five years of struggling, five years of rough patches, five years of arguments, five years of disagreements, five years of tears, and heartaches and hopelessness, and drama.

most people don't know, but junior and i married "young" so i can leave my house a married woman.  it was what my mom wanted and i was conditioned to live my life according to what she wanted from me.  we joke that our marriage was an arranged marriage, but it was arranged by us.  this was a hard truth that we learned, yet we laugh about it now because we actually made the decision to stay married to each other.

if you read my post from our anniversary last year, i didn't even know what to say.  how to put into words how i felt about marriage or the struggles.  year four was the hardest year of my life!  we grew so much in this past year of marriage and i'm so goddamn proud of us.  i had every intention in my mind to just give up but my heart didn't let me.  why is marriage so hard?  why doesn't junior understand me?  the answer was easy, i didn't understand myself.

it's true what they say, you can't love another person without loving yourself first.  and i had to go through it to really understand it.  and now here we are, happier than we've ever been.  actually communicating through our disagreements and getting over them within the next minute.  supporting each other in ways that i've only dreamt of.

a few weeks ago i was explaining to junior how when i dream of moments and then realize i'm living through them, i have an outer body experience and think this is it!  it's happening! i'm living through this moment that i've been dreaming about for so long!  i've dreamt about having a happy marriage for longer than i can remember.  having a teammate and a partner, loving me and supporting me through everything.  and i know junior has always loved me, but it's now that i know it's happening!  it's really happening!

i've dreamt of this amazing, imperfect life with my partner and i am now living it.  oh, what a beautiful feeling this is!

junior abraham, thank you.  thank you for sticking with me through all the downs these past five years.  thank you for being patient with me as i found myself (and continue to find myself).  thank you for opening up to me and trusting me.  thank you for giving me the love that i've dreamed of all of my life.  i love you forever.

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